I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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