If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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