I have demons in me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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