Already got asked if we're dating
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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