Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
