She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
