She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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