Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
