So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
