piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
