I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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