I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
