Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
