apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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