Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
