My liver just broke up with me...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is classic penis vs brain.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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