Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
