my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
