I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
