she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
