why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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