how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
