Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
