when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
