okay pat passed out under dana's car
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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