oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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