I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
barbara walters just said penis...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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