The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
