He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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