And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
