I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
