I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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