Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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