No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
