worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
