hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
