walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
