he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
