my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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