My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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