I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
