We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
