that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
