You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
