I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
