made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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