He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
