It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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