I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
