Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
