Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i barfeds in our rink
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
