I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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