Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize