did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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