Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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