i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
