You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have post one night stand depression
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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