You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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