I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
