You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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