He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
