i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
