I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
