I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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