Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
