speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Congratulations! We have a period
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
