My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
