question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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