she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
