You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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