Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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