I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
