so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
