he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
